truelyesoteric (truelyesoteric) wrote,
truelyesoteric
truelyesoteric

Live to This: Epilogue





Ashley ran around the house, squealing all the way.

“So you want us all to live here,” Jensen said as he looked around this new area.

Jared nodded, grinning hopefully.

Jensen was a little surprised.

“Did you see the front of the house?” Jared said, bouncing on his feet. Jensen looked at him warily as he peered through the front window.

“Chris and Chad put that up yesterday,” Jared said, wrapping his arms around Jensen and cuddling into him.

It was an honest-to-god white picket fence.

“Say you want to,” Jared whispered.

Jensen cuddled into him. This would be more than he ever thought that he would get. Even for a day, having this was enough.

Jared was behind him, solid and strong.

For some reason he didn’t think that this was going to be ending in a day. Jared had never run far enough and he had never hid deep enough.

This thing wasn’t going to let them go.

They didn’t want it to.

“Yes,” Jensen replied.

Jared jumped up, suddenly alive with his typical sugar rush. He dragged Jensen with him to the kitchen. Jared reached his long fingers under the neck of Jensen’s shirt, pulling out the washer he had placed there all those years ago.

“There is a place to put this,” Jared said, taking it off. “We can use this to hang the coat hook by the door.”

Jared looked down and then up through his bangs. “I mean, if you want to use it for the house.”

Jensen grinned. “Yeah, I think that this is the place for it.”

“Daddy,” Ashley said, running full force at them, “Can we stay, is this going to be all of ours?”

Jensen picked her up and Jared put his hand on the small of Jensen’s back.

“Yeah, kiddo,” Jensen said quietly. “Yeah, I think that this is going to be ours.”

“Yippee,” Ashley said, reaching out to give Jared a kiss.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Jared said leaning into Jensen’s neck, holding onto him, feeling the squirming of the body between them.

**

Two weeks later was Jensen’s day off and he was running in the early morning light, along the beach. They had moved the few possessions that were in his apartment into Jared’s house behind the picket fence.

Except that it wasn’t really Jared’s house anymore. Mike had bought a mailbox. It proudly bore the name PadaAckles. Jared had been so happy with the mailbox that he carried it around for hours.

It was their house.

It was amazing how big his world had become with the simple addition of Jared.

Jensen stopped, barely panting. He stopped at the water fountain and took a drink.

“Hi,” a bright, perky voice said.

Jensen smiled back a little confused. Before him was a small red head woman.

“I’m Daneel,” she offered, holding out her hand, “I’m new in town. I’ve seen you running here at absurdly early hours and I thought I’d introduce myself.”

Jensen just smiled, still a little confused, “I’m Jensen.”

Her grin just grew, “Well, Jensen, I was just wondering if you want to go grab a coffee or a power drink or something. Give me the low down on this town.”

That is when it hit him like a ton of bricks. She was hitting on him. Jensen couldn’t remember the last time a woman had hit on him.

He tried for charming, but firm in his voice. “My boyfriend and our kid are waiting for me at home, they’re making breakfast.”

Her smile faltered a little bit.

That is when Jensen had his second revelation.

His boyfriend. Their kid.

He actually had that life.

Jensen really didn’t think much about being rude, he was just a little too shell-shocked.

He had to get home right now.

He rushed into his house, finding Jared ‘making’ breakfast. Which was mostly just cereal.

Jensen ran to him, sweaty mess that he was and kissed Jared within an inch of his life.

When he pulled away Jared was breathless, opening his eyes a little dazed. “Morning to you too.”

“I love you,” Jensen said plainly. “I know that we should probably have long discussion about it, but I want to marry you.”

Jared’s eyes snapped open.

Jensen stood there awkwardly, surprised by his words. “I want it all, but until ten minutes ago when some girl asked me out it never clicked. I can have this. I can marry somebody I love, we can raise our kid. I can have everything.”

Suddenly he got scared, because Jared wasn’t talking.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground.

Jared reached out and lifted his chin so that their eyes met.

“This everything,” Jared said in a carefully controlled voice, hand caressing the side of Jensen’s face. “This is what you have wanted forever, isn’t it?”

Jensen nodded, not wanting to want this too much, but he had opened the floodgates and he couldn’t stop.

“Love you, Jensen,” Jared said huskily, “Always have loved you. It’s been you since the first moment I met you.”

Jensen looked up at him hopefully. “Then maybe…”

Jared shook his head. “No maybe. Just yes.”

Jensen’s smile returned, giddy and clear. He was going to get married. He had a kid. Everything he gave up hope for long ago.

When he turned to Jared’s lips those lips opened to him, hands pulling his hips closer. Jared hung onto Jensen.

Jared pulled his lips away and moved to kiss Jensen’s forehead.

“So do I get a ring?” Jared said. “Oh, and there is going be a party and cake.”

Jared let out a little squeal of delight, one that had nothing to do with Jensen. “We’re going to have cake!”

Jensen pulled back a little. “You know I’ll give you cake even if you don’t marry me.”

Jared looked baffled. “Why would I want one and not the other? I want them both and a party and then forever. I want to get a pretty ring and keep your house and raise your daughter.”

“Our daughter,” Jensen amended, absently.

Jared just grinned. “Our life.”

And Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared envelop him.

He let out a breath and breathed in. He was told that he couldn’t have everything. He had been so sure that he couldn’t have a guy and a family, that he couldn’t have sex and happiness.

But he had found it. It didn’t look like the daydreams he had clung to as a child, it was unconventional, but it didn’t mean that it was any less.

Jensen had stepped out of the shadows and out of anonymity. Jared had stopped running, stopped thinking that nobody noticed him.

And they were here. Together.








My Notes:

First I want to thank the spn_j2_bigbang mods. This is an awesome and fun thing to do and also to read. I have loved it for two years and I think it was really cemented my love for ALL things Supernatural fic related and also got me into RPS to the point where it became what it is today.

Second, I want to thank three people 1orelei, kathickers, alwaysawkward.

1orelei was the first person to read this before it was even done. She commented once upon a time that maybe some people were doing something that didn't make sense on one of my stories. So I asked her to beta. I was so lucky that I did. She went above and beyond and beyond. She punctuated the hell out of the story, because I'm pretty bad that that detail. She was so excellent helpful.

kathickers was my second beta and what she did was stunning. The whole story flows, makes sense, and has more depth because she read it. The little details and suggestions were awesome and helpful and I'm so very lucky that she was there for this.

My undying gratitude goes towards both of them. They were honest about what wasn't making sense and they also gave me some awesome petting to placate my not so fragile ego. Also they both read this story twice, for those of you counting that is more than 100,000 words, closely looked at and thought about and commented on...each. they worked very hard on this too. They're so dear.

Finally alwaysawkward did my artwork and when I saw it I was like, yes, that works, it is simple and clean and just right. I was so happy that it came out. I think my very first thought was like 'that is classy' which I hope my story lives up to. Plus the color is awesome.

Thanks to those three in my process, and the darling f-list who were always there to give me kind words and encoragement. Love you guys. You are awesome.


(The rest is just my own comments on my own story)

That being said, I'm almost glad that I'm done. I've never gone over a story like this before. I had eight months for this and I spent time on it. At this point I have no idea what I think of it, all I know is that I know it by heart and I love Chad.

It always seemed like neither guy was too heroic and who would want to read something like that. In my daddy's words "Its about two fucked up people looking for salvation." I didn't know quite what to think about that. I didn't realize it until a few months ago that I figured out what drove the characters, it was just the song lyrics:

"There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys.
There's only you and me and we just disagree."

And that was when it all made sense. That is kind of what I found these in these guys. They're just searching and they hurt people and hurt themselves. They've always been in love, but love isn't their answer. It is just part of their journey.

I know i'm probably thinking too much and way to deep about it, but that is the crux of the story. I hope it the long rambling thoughts I have now make sense with my long rambling story!


One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Epilogue

| Master List |
Tags: big bang, fic, live to this
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